Funny food stories…some humor for a Monday

What do you blog about when you have nothing to blog about?

Food!

I thought I’d share a few funny stories involving food.

The tamale tale

My sister-in-law, a respiratory therapist, had worked in Saudia Arabia, where she met and married a British guy. She brought him home to the US–California–for the holidays one year. “Keith” was having a beer and playing pool at a little bar near the in-laws’ house when a woman came in selling homemade tamales. Tamales are a Mexican tradition at Christmastime. Keith had never had tamales. I don’t think he even knew what they were, but he bought some. He took them to the house and steamed them, the way woman had instructed. He’d eaten two of them, before a family member noticed and told him he needed to remove the corn husk!

Dinner with the parents

My mother-in-law saves everything. If anything has any possible use, she will not throw it away. No speck of food is too small to save. Her fridge is jam-packed and full of surprises. She’ll have ham in a margarine container marked mashed potatoes. You never know what you’re going to get.

When my husband was dating his ex-wife (Janice), the first time he brought her home for dinner with the parents, my MIL had made a salad. Everyone sat down at the table, and they passed around a mason jar of salad dressing. Janice poured dressing on her salad, and quietly began to eat.

The dressing got to my husband’s older sister. After putting it on her salad, she took a bite and spit it out at the table. “That’s pancake batter!”

A ‘special’ breakfast

My grandmother who grew up poor wouldn’t waste food either. I can’t tell you how many times I heard, “It’s a sin to waste food!”

Once morning she decided to have Grape Nuts cereal for breakfast. She said it tasted terrible, like “rotten milk.” She kept adding more and more milk and sugar trying to make it palatable, but after eating half a bowl, she couldn’t stand it anymore. She threw it outside for the birds to eat. When she went to get a different box of cereal, she found Grape Nuts in the cupboard. She looked at the box of what she had been eating and it was….

Special Dinners for Cats.

I later told her the picture of the cat on the box should have been a clue.

Oh the horror…

Mold grosses me out. I dislike mold the way some people hate snakes. The only way to remove moldy fruit is with tongs and an extended arm.

I was a teenager, maybe 15 or 16, and my mom was gone somewhere. It was dinnertime, so I made some pasta, heated up some jar sauce, and toasted some garlic bread. Later, my mom came home.

“Did you eat?” she asked.

“Yeah.”

“What did you have?”

“Spaghetti and garlic bread.”

“Where did you get the bread?”

“The loaf that was on the kitchen table.”

“Oh, that was going mildew.”

Oh. my. god. I think it was a year before I could bring myself to eat that kind of bread again.

* * *

¬†Leave a comment–maybe share your funny food story–and I’ll email you the best sweet potato recipe in the entire world. Everybody who has ever tried this recipe has loved it–including my husband who isn’t a big sweet potato fan. After 20+ years of marriage, he finally tried them, and now loves them too! Thanksgiving isn’t that far off, and this recipe will be big hit. (Be sure to leave your email as you sign in or post it in the comment box).

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14 Responses to Funny food stories…some humor for a Monday

  1. Oh, the pancake batter story….blech.

    I love to bake and I’m pretty good at it. Nothing fancy and I won’t be appearing on any reality shows, but the usual cookies, brownies, banana bread. Last fall I made a batch of banana bread and it was hideous. I could not get it baked all the way through and when I finally took it out of the oven, it was like a hard crust with wallpaper paste inside. I went back over the recipe and realized that I’d left out the baking soda (or maybe baking powder, one of those two). All these years, I’d wondered if just a teaspoon of that stuff in a big bowl of batter mattered…it does.

    • Cara Bristol says:

      Amazing how some stuff really matters in cooking and other stuff doesn’t. I once made blueberry bread in my bread maker. I thought, well, I really like blueberries, so I’ll add extra. Blueberries have a lot of sugar. Sugar feeds the yeast. My bread blew up like a balloon! I opened the bread maker, and the bread was stuck to the lid.

  2. Hattie Loggins says:

    When my husband and I were first married, I literally could not boil water without ruining the pan. I had been working in a public job during the summer and helping with the cotton, vineyards, peanuts harvesting along with 80,000 baby chicks every nine weeks. So my sister learned to cook and I did cleanup. My husband was transferred to San Diego, CA. I joined him 4 months later, pregnant. All I ever ate and was able to cook was tomato soup, which We had with banana sandwiches and bar-b-que chips. Needless to say this did not last long. He was starving to death!! So I would talk to my mom on the phone every Sunday and have her give me a recipe that I could cook. You should have seen that man eat when I made mashed potatoes, green beans, country fried steak and corn bread. There was not a crumb left. I thought I was going to have a battle on my hands when I went to remove the dishes. He said he was afraid that I would not be able to cook anything else and he wanted memories of how good it was. Fortunately, for him, I learned to cook really good over the years. We are still together and going strong 47 years later.

  3. LOLOL! Some great stories for sure. When the hubs and I were students/newlyweds, my brother gave us some deer meat – but all ground into packets. So basically ground meat for every meal. For three months, I’d try to add new things to the same ground meat. One day I was out of ideas and my gaze connected with a bottle of molasses. Oh yes, I did. My poor hubs manfully tried to eat it. I did not. But whenever anyone asks for ideas for ground meat, we look at each other and say, “Don’t touch the molasses!”

  4. Sara D says:

    One Thansgiving, my aunt who is known for her pumpkin pies put them on the table after dinner. Of course everyone took a slice. As we all took bites, everyone got a look on their faces, reached for more whip cream and continued to eat the pie. Afterward, as we were doing dishes, we started talking about the pie and how it was so bad, not realizing my aunt had walked into the kitchen and was behind us. She started laughing and asked us why we ate it if it was bad and we all told her we didn’t want to hurt her feelings. She laughed more and said she realized after baking them that she forgot to add sugar to a couple of them but had not been sure of which ones so she had brought them all figuring that we would not eat the bad ones. She forgot that as we were all taught to respect our elders, not one of us she would say anything. That was a holiday dinner we never forget.

  5. Jannie says:

    Growing up on a farm with my parents and two brothers, I learned to cook early and for farmer’s appetites. When I was first married, I made a casserole for the two of us. No, I didn’t use recipes. I just started fixing. By the time it was done, we had enough for 8 or 10 non-farmer appetites. My husband offered some to several of the neighbors in our apartment building. When my brother came to visit, DH was aghast that anyone could consume 5 ‘sloppy joes’ (plus chips, salad and cake) in one sitting.

    • Cara Bristol says:

      That’s how you learned to “cook big.” It’s hard to downscale cooking when you’re used to making large quantities.

  6. Laurel Lasky says:

    We were living in Israel and I wanted to make cholent, a dish that slow cooks with beans, some use meat, potatoes, so I took out a large pot filled with water and dumped a bag of beans in it. We went out for a while and when we got home, I looked in the kitchen and the beans had swelled so much, they were everywhere, on the floor, the table, the counters. Oops, I think I put too many beans in. We had sandwichs for dinner!

  7. Anne B King says:

    I will have to say upfront that I get distracted when cooking. My worst example, however, was the first time I tried to cook something for my husband-to-be. I had never cooked on a gas stove before. I put my meat and liquid into a pan, turned it down low, and left the apartment. Fortunately, he came back before I did. I think I was trying to burn the place down. I certainly succeeded in turning the dinner into charcoal and the pan into trash. As I recall, we ended up going out for sandwiches. Thankfully, he didn’t hold it against me and married me anyway. I’ve gone on to become a reasonably good cook, but I still get distracted. However, I’ve never been called upon to cook on a gas stove again. Probably a good thing.

    • Cara Bristol says:

      I think people have definite preferences to gas or electric. Depends on what they’re used to, I think. Glad you didn’t burn the house down.

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