If writing were sexual (and who says it isn’t)…

Many years ago when my husband and I were first married, I barricaded myself in our home office one Sunday to finish the last chapter of my first novel—the big moment I’d been looking forward to since I’d started it nine months earlier.

I was on a roll to the end when my husband came into the office to ask me something. I answered him and resumed writing. A while later he wanted something else.  And he came back a third time.

As I was writing the very last paragraph, he interrupted me for the fourth time in an hour.

“God damnit, will you leave me alone!” I yelled.

And so began the fight over a classic case of “writer interruptus.” After we cooled off, I explained that being interrupted while writing was like having the phone ring while having sex. At the least, it temporarily disrupts one’s enjoyment, but at worst, you can’t recover the feeling.

As an erotic romance author, I’ve written a lot of sex scenes and I got to thinking, what if sexual terminology was used to describe writing? So, I’ll lead off with:

Polyamory or ménage –Working on multiple manuscripts at the same time.

Bi-curious, bi-sexual –Writing in two different genres or subgenres.

Ejaculation – Sending the completed manuscript to an editor or agent

Premature ejaculation – Sending the manuscript before it’s fully ready.

Foreplay – Writing exercises or other rituals that get you into the mood to write.

Oral sex – Talking about writing, rather than actually doing it.

One night stand – Sneakily writing something other than the manuscript you should be working on.

Infidelity – Same as a one night stand, only it lasts longer and can result in the abandonment of the original manuscript

Bondage– Having contractual obligations to write a book

Discipline – Writing even when you don’t want to.

Orgasm – Getting a book contract, a royalty check, or an email from a fan.

Quickie – A short piece of writing

Libido – The desire to write.

Dysfunction – Writer’s block

Making love –Writing something that brings you great pleasure

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7 Responses to If writing were sexual (and who says it isn’t)…

  1. Alix says:

    I smiled all the way through, a great post.

  2. LOVE it! Great way to describe things. While I don’t have a dh who interrupts I have 4 kids so yeah – the moment gets lost a lot and I constantly have to find a way to get it back! LOL

  3. Gem Sivad says:

    Profound wisdom. I love your writer terminology!

  4. Pippa Jay says:

    ROFL! Those are great! I’m tempted to print them off for my husband – he doesn’t get why interrupting me in full flow is such a big deal and results in me snarling around the house for the rest of the day. 😛

  5. Xakara says:

    Perfect analogy! Both of our computers are in the same room, so I end up as a big temptation for him to interrupt which resulted in “I love you, leave me alone”. It can be said fast and often without really stopping to pay attention and allows him not to take my lack of wanting to interact personally. It’s saved us from many a fight. 🙂

    ~X

  6. Michele says:

    This is such a great post! And oh so true…..it brings a whole new thrill to my writing, to figure out which sexual writing act I’m indulging in.

  7. Alanna Coca says:

    Loved this Cara! Do you have something for someone who plays on Twitter all day rather than writing?

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