Many years ago when my husband and I were first married, I barricaded myself in our home office one Sunday to finish the last chapter of my first novel—the big moment I’d been looking forward to since I’d started it nine months earlier.
I was on a roll to the end when my husband came into the office to ask me something. I answered him and resumed writing. A while later he wanted something else. And he came back a third time.
As I was writing the very last paragraph, he interrupted me for the fourth time in an hour.
“God damnit, will you leave me alone!” I yelled.
And so began the fight over a classic case of “writer interruptus.” After we cooled off, I explained that being interrupted while writing was like having the phone ring while having sex. At the least, it temporarily disrupts one’s enjoyment, but at worst, you can’t recover the feeling.
As an erotic romance author, I’ve written a lot of sex scenes and I got to thinking, what if sexual terminology was used to describe writing? So, I’ll lead off with:
Polyamory or ménage –Working on multiple manuscripts at the same time.
Bi-curious, bi-sexual –Writing in two different genres or subgenres.
Ejaculation – Sending the completed manuscript to an editor or agent
Premature ejaculation – Sending the manuscript before it’s fully ready.
Foreplay – Writing exercises or other rituals that get you into the mood to write.
Oral sex – Talking about writing, rather than actually doing it.
One night stand – Sneakily writing something other than the manuscript you should be working on.
Infidelity – Same as a one night stand, only it lasts longer and can result in the abandonment of the original manuscript
Bondage– Having contractual obligations to write a book
Discipline – Writing even when you don’t want to.
Orgasm – Getting a book contract, a royalty check, or an email from a fan.
Quickie – A short piece of writing
Libido – The desire to write.
Dysfunction – Writer’s block
Making love –Writing something that brings you great pleasure