Friendship…the wind beneath our wings?

Because I write erotic romance, I spend a lot of time thinking and writing about love relationships and romantic couplings, but I’ve always found platonic friendship fascinating. Some people have many friends; others have few. Some make friends easily, others don’t.

Here are a few things I’ve noticed about friendship, and its relationship to romance and family:

  1. Making friends is not unlike making a romantic love connection. Among true friends, there is a chemistry that can’t be forced or created. It’s just there. You like who you like.
  2. We often have different friends for different functions or aspects of our lives. We have work friends, couple friends, exercise buddies, neighbors. “Best friends” form as a result of the bond between the two people and fill emotional needs for closeness.
  3. We often cut our friends more slack and tolerate behaviors that would drive us nuts if family did the same thing, however we are far more likely to end a friendship (or allow it to end) than we would sever a family relationship. Irrevocable, permanent family estrangements are much more rare than broken friendships.
  4. When two friends are especially close, we often say that they are like “brothers” or “sisters” to each other, yet I think the opposite is true. When two adult siblings are exceptionally close, they are more like friends than siblings.
  5. We don’t get to choose our families. We always choose our friends.
  6. Although we sometimes discuss issues we’re having with a friend with a family member, it’s our friends we turn to and who support us when we’re having trouble with family.
  7. Having one’s spouse being a best friend strengthens the relationship, but having friends outside of marriage makes our lives richer also.
  8. People often “stay put” and refuse to move for a better opportunity because they don’t want to leave family, but they rarely make that same decision for friends. We leave friends all the time.
  9. Friendships initiate around shared interests or experiences, but to have a deep, emotionally rewarding friendship, you need that interpersonal chemistry.

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2 Responses to Friendship…the wind beneath our wings?

  1. sixofthebest says:

    I can see why you write ‘romance novels’ Cara. The words ‘The wind beneath my wings’, comes from Bette Midler’s beautiful song. And one of my all time favorites. ‘Six of the best’, to you Cara, ‘six of the very best’

  2. Cara Bristol says:

    Thank you!

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