#Spanking: the vanilla man – can he be converted?

His-Forever-Summer-Final-500By Tara Finnegan

When Kieran arrives in Corbin’s Bend, he is a non spanko.  So, this leads to the question is it  realistically possible to convert a vanilla man (or indeed woman)? This is a subject that’s been debated over and over.  Some say, no, never: others say yes, definitely, based on their own personal experiences. I suspect the answer is somewhere in the middle as it so often is.

For some, they will be open to new adventures and experiences and be willing to try it out of curiosity. Or they might just try it to please their partner, somewhat reluctantly. And for some of those the gamble will pay off, and they will take to it like the proverbial duck to water. But even at that, there is bound to be a huge learning curve as both partners learn what works for them and what doesn’t. Others may find the whole experience upsetting or off-putting.  Even then, it may not be a complete write off – if they are willing to try again, the experience can get better with practice and confidence.  It can be really hard for a vanilla to get why anyone might want such a strange thing, but even that can come with time and good communication.

If you’re the spanker, there is a balancing act between desiring to please your partner, and the conviction you are brought up with – never use violence, especially against a woman.  And yet she is begging you to spank her? Of course it’s confusing. No wonder it can take time to get it right. It’s going against all you’ve been taught from a young age. You have to throw out the old rule book and start a new one.

In a romance novel it looks so easy, but in real life there is a multitude of hurdles to cross and can take years and a lot of patience to get it right. Many will get there in the end, seeing the benefits gradually outweighing the cons, and that’s the part the aspiring spankee needs to hold on to, especially through the days where the spanker is willing, but just not quite the spanking romance hero yet.  For some though, the reality is, it will be out of the question, they just can’t or don’t want to go there.  Is it worth the risk of asking for it?

I think you would have to ask yourself whether rejection would be worse than never knowing.   And only you know the answer to that.

His Forever Summer Blurb 

Carla Methon has tread on a lot of toes, men’s and women’s alike. But no one could be more dissatisfied with Carla than the lady herself. With a compunction to throw herself at every man within a three mile radius and a serious case of foot in mouth disease, Carla knows she is in desperate need of being taken in hand before she does any more damage to her reputation.

Kieran O’Brien needs to escape a broken relationship and he invites himself to spend a summer with his brother in Corbin’s Bend. But Kieran is a totally unsuspecting vanilla with no idea of the ethos of the community he is about to enter.

The pair strike up an unlikely friendship of vanilla and spice, with one stipulation – it is only a summer fling. By the time Kieran boards his flight to return to Ireland he wishes his summer could last forever. Can he find the courage, not only to admit the extent of his feelings, but to take on the role Carla so desperately needs him to be?

His Forever Summer Excerpt

In  His Forever Summer, Kieran becomes aware it’s a spanking community and he really can’t get his head around the whole concept. When Carla tells him she has an appointment to see a professional disciplinarian, he is horrified. But he’s also very concerned for her safety. She has an appointment with a man she has never met, and is going to his home, based on references provided by him.

“What the heck? Do you realise it’s six thirty? I only just got to sleep,” Carla snapped at Kieran as he barged through the front door.

“Sorry, this couldn’t wait. I can’t let you go through with it. I won’t let you do it. I’ve been awake all night thinking about it. It’s crazy.”

“You can’t stop me! It’s got nothing to do with you, Kieran. I need to face my demons, and be punished for it, and unless you’re going to man up and do the punishing, then I suggest you get the hell out and let me make my own decisions,” Carla snapped with exasperation. She saw his brain catch up with her words.

“And if I punish you, you’ll cancel?”

“Christ, Kieran, I was joking. It’s called sarcasm. We both know you wouldn’t be able to see it through.”

“But if I could?”

“Fine, if you could, and if you could do it properly, then yes, I’ll cancel.” She didn’t for one minute believe there was any likelihood of her not making her appointment.

“So, what exactly do I need to do?” he asked.

“Fuck, you want the step by step guide?”

“How the hell else am I supposed to do it? Or make it mean anything.”

“Shit, you’re serious. Um, okay. I suppose first you need to talk to me about what it is I’ve done. Get me to confess it. Then spank me for each thing, I guess. Maybe pausing in between. Look I don’t really know. I’ve only ever had this done once, when I was young. Every other time it was erotic. But I think you need to be disapproving, authoritative. I doubt you can do that! It’s a crazy idea.” Kieran flinched and she knew she had stung his manhood, although she didn’t mean to. She was just being straight. Her foot in mouth disease was playing up again.

“Let me worry about how I behave! We’re here to discuss how you have behaved. For now I need the practicalities. Like what I’m supposed to use, how many times I’m supposed to hit you. How I know if I’m going too far, or even if I’m not doing it enough. You know what, you go and wait in your room, and give me a key. I’m going to talk to Jim. I’ll get more sense out of him.” Without waiting for a reply, he was gone, snatching her door-keys from inside the front door.

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Tara Finnegan Bio:

The accidental writer, that’s me!

A lot of writers will tell you that they dreamed of being a writer for years and were making up stories from they were knee high to a grasshopper. And a lot of them loved English class.

I dodged all forms of essay (not even bothering to look for an original or plausible excuse) and entertained myself and by poor desk mate during my English classes by very rudely paraphrasing and taking the mickey out of Francis Bacon…yep, looking back, that’s probably when I should have had my first good spanking. If not for wasting my own education, then surely for distracting my misfortunate neighbour.
Then I started an affair with my computer, so much so that I nearly had to be surgically removed from it. And what’s an affair without a good measure of hot sex and erotic spanking?

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7 Responses to #Spanking: the vanilla man – can he be converted?

  1. I love this post. All I can say is it took me too long to tell him. He shakes his head all the time and asks ‘where have you been all these years?’ I think no matter the outcome, being able to have that discussion is a testament to the intimacy and trust you’ve already built as a couple. And who knows – maybe pretty soon you have to ask him to stop spanking so darn hard! 😉 I’m always optimistic on the duck to water idea…

    • Tara Finnegan says:

      Thank you for hosting me here today, Cara. Much appreciated 🙂

    • Tara Finnegan says:

      I agree completely, Natasha, even being able to have the discussion, regardless of the outcome, does show a huge level of trust in one another.
      And if the gamble pays off, it’s a huge bonus.

  2. Cara Bristol says:

    A lot of people can relate to this scenario. Thanks for being here, Tara. Thanks for your comments, Natasha.

  3. As a psychologist I am fascinated with the question – can people change? And you may be surprised to learn that I don’t think people really change. I believe behavior can be modified, but as my grandfather always said, “a leopard doesn’t change his spots.”

    That said, when it comes to adding spanking or BDSM to one’s repertoire – that is always possible because it’s a behavior. I liken it to adding spicy food to one’s diet. A person can come to like it, even crave it. So, yes, I think vanillas can get into kinkier stuff if they are willing to try. But, like spicy food, it also might disagree with them. Lol.

    • Cara Bristol says:

      Quite thought-provoking: character v. behavior, Normandie. I would tend to agree with you (and your grandpa), although I think sometimes people do change–although it’s very rare. But if an event with massive emotional significance happens, that’s when they change (like a death, a serious illness, etc. etc.).

      I had a great aunt who was very mean, nasty person her entire life. When she got old and senile, she became nice. It was like she forgot to be mean.

    • Tara Finnegan says:

      Hi Normandie,
      Like Cara, I think sometimes people can change, or at least I like to think so. Often though, it can take a fairly dramatic experience for that to truly happen.

      But as for spanking/BDSM, I totally understand what you are saying as regards a behavioral or learned issue. For the most part, in western society the idea of physically chastising an adult is so unacceptable that I imagine it one of the biggest barriers to a spanking relationship, especially DD but even to a lesser degree erotic spanking. Hitting someone is considered bad, so how can it be good, even if that’s how they want it? For many those tenets can be extremely difficult to overcome. And understandably so. But it’s definitely encouraging to think it’s easier to overcome these learned behaviour than have to go through a whole personality change 🙂

      Thanks so much for adding a different dimension to this topic, I really hadn’t considered the effect of differentiating between behaviour versus personality on this subject.

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