“Girl Code”…how far should it go? What constitutes a violation?

Group of beautiful young women strolling on a beach. Three friends walking on the beach and laughing on a summer day enjoying vacation.

Girl Code is the tacit respect and support women give to each other. One major aspect focuses on how friends treat and respond to each others’ boyfriends. Under “girl code,” it’s a no-no to date a guy that your friend really, really likes even if they were never together as a couple. It would be a violation of girl code to date your friend’s ex-husband. Basically girl code boils down to “chicks before dicks.”

But how far should girl code go? Is it absolute? Should you allow girl code to supersede happiness? Is girl code something that only millennials follow or does it apply to everyone at every stage of life?

For example: Couple A and Couple B are friends. Both couples are in love with their respective spouses. Late in life, each now elderly couple loses a spouse. The widow and widower have been friends all their lives, had comforted each other through their loss, and now in their remaining golden years, have found love again –with each other. Is it a violation of girl code for the surviving wife to marry the husband of her best friend?

What if they were younger? What if the couples were in their 30s or 20s? Would it make a difference?

DestinysChance 200 x 300In my new erotic paranormal romance, Destiny’s Chance, Destiny Grable loves Chance Everett, her best friend’s boyfriend. But, she has never, ever acted on her feelings or betrayed her friend, Zoe. She kept it to herself and didn’t tell anybody how she felt. I make that clear in the book and in the blurb.

But what happens is that after Destiny’s friend is killed in an accident, Destiny’s soul possesses  her friend’s body. Destiny, who has become Zoe in the eyes of the world, is now Chance’s girlfriend. She didn’t choose to take Zoe’s place, she wishes she could bring her back, but after soul-searching she does decide to try to use her new life to claim Chance’s love.

The reviews for Destiny’s Chance have been overwhelmingly positive (my best reviews ever, for any book!), but one NetGalley reviewer said I violated Girl Code:

“It was kind of…a turn off to think that this is her friend’s guy that she’s beginning a relationship with while being in her friend’s body. Girl Code seemed to apply before the accident but flew out the window afterwards. I think maybe I would have just preferred a set up where it wasn’t her good friend’s ex.”

What do you think? Does girl code always apply? Did being reincarnated as her friend violate Girl Code? Should Girl Code supersede happiness? Please share your thoughts.

See more about Destiny’s Chance here



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8 Responses to “Girl Code”…how far should it go? What constitutes a violation?

  1. Addy Raine says:

    It doesn’t break “Girl Code” if you are now in your best friend’s body!

    I say in this case, it would be ok. Obviously, she didn’t ask to wake up in Zoe’s skin.

  2. Delia Grace says:

    Oh mylanta I need to read this book now!!

    The way I interpret Girl Code (and Bro Code) is a bit looser. It really depends on a lot of variables.

    For example, if your gf dated a guy, or even married, but now is serious about someone else – guy is fair game now. (Unless the reason they broke up was because he hurt her and then he’s off the market for anyone who loves his ex :))

    Death supersedes all codes.

    MIA is trickier – how long do you wait to see if she is coming back before you jump his bones!

  3. If there are two couples, and one of each couple dies, I don’t think it violates girl code in the slightest for the surviving two to get together. If one or both are still alive, but both couples are separated or divorced, then it is a bit more tricky. Something like that happened to me. I had a boyfriend many years ago, who remained a friend, and he told me that one of my girlfriends had approached him after we had broken up, but he turned her down. It shouldn’t have bothered me, but it did. I never said anything to the friend, but I never thought about her in the same way again.
    Having said that, your book is fiction, and it irritates me when reviewers talk about it as though it is real. Anyway, as her friend had died I see no reason why she and her friend’s husband can’t get together.

    • Cara Bristol says:

      I guess if they talk about a book as if it’s real, then the story must have seemed real to them. That’s kind of a good thing. Sometimes. Lol. No real women were spanked in the writing of this story. Lol.

  4. Qwillia Rain says:

    It’s interesting (in an irritating way) to me how people can call “Girl Code” or “Bro Code” then turn around and do everything to drag other women/men down in the eyes of others…kinda like, do as I say, not as I do sorta justification. As for the complaints you received, I think it’s great that your readers are actually taking it to heart, that’s a sign that you made an impact on the reader. And I’ll definitely be checking this book out, although there are two issues with this situation Destiny finds herself in that confuse and concern me:
    1) is that the body swap isn’t clear to me…if Zoe died in the accident, how did Destiny end up in her body? (I’ll have to go back and read your description again, to make sure I’m understanding it.) It would make more sense if Destiny died and her soul went into Zoe, but then, where did Zoe’s soul go and why?
    2) the uncertainty that Chance’s love is actually for Destiny and not Zoe, whose body Destiny is inhabiting. Kinda makes me think that Destiny would eventually feel uncertain herself as to whether Chance loves the soul inhabiting the body or the body and not the soul inhabiting it.
    I know, I’m over thinking it…haven’t had enough Dr Pepper or Thai iced tea, I guess.
    All in all, I agree with the rest, there was no “Girl Code” broken in this situation.

    • Cara Bristol says:

      I didn’t want to give too many spoilers. But in fact, what happens is that Zoe’s soul goes (wherever the soul goes after death), and Destiny’s soul goes into Zoe’s body (it’s explained in the book). So what appears to everyone is that Destiny died and Zoe survived.

      Your second question addresses one of the conflicts of the story: the whole question of who Chance really loved and why.

      I stress there IS an HEA!

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